if only

"so now we live in fear of the unkown. insecure and skeptical, her trust in me is blown. besides the past we face, we both have grown. through the pain to find the strength together or alone. how could i ever be so blind that i could not see. how could i ever stray from what has meant so much to me. how could i ever gain her trust without the guarentee, of who i am or where i'll be"

The Question of the Hour

A friend of mine asked me the other day if I could have anything in the world, what it would be. I replied that I wanted things back to how they were a few years ago, but now I'm not so sure. If that happened, I would have to relive everything that has happened since then and I know I can't do that. So now I wonder what I want. I would love to feel at peace again in a daily manner, no judgements to be made by anyone b/c you have no idea whats going on in their lives or how they were raised or anything of that nature, an understanding of guys, and to know that I was okay with who I am. I can talk the talk all day long, I'm an actress and fronts are my specialty, but actually believing it is a whole new topic. I'm not sure of what to do, but I know I want to figure it out.

Drama

I have learned that having friends comes many details. Especially with girls. I'm not sure I can put it into words, but I can say that when one minute event occurs, all Hell breaks lose with every emotion and if you are friends with that person, you have to deal with it for them until they calm down enough to realize the world has not ended and it can only go up from the bottom. I of all people know this for a fact. I did not freak like expected, I just shopped a lot, saw a therapist and danced into a frenzy that caused my surgery. Different strokes for different folks. Always.